Random Thoughts
Monday, February 05, 2007
Desi Girls Don't Do It!!
While going through my Stats came across a search made by someone for “Desi girls and virginity and sex” that landed them on my page. I have not looked at why the Google sent this person to my site but I am taking this as a sign to spout off on the subject :) since the next link on the page, preached abstinence and the one after that asked you to come and look at some hot Desi girls !!
I think that virginity or induging in sex is a personal choice - and the choice should be made without the burden of society's view. And abstaining because that is what Jesus said, might work for some but not for most, so stop touting that angle.
I hate it that Indians consider sex to be a dirty deed, done under the blankets with your spouse and most likely with all your clothes on ;). This negative berating and strong hormones makes a very confused teenager. And add to that the Internets.. we have a haphazardly informed kid that is just asking for therapy.. Just talk with the person - Informed decision is always a sound one. Rather than pretending that it does not exist, at least make sure that if there is a chance of it happening, all precautions are thought of.
Dealing with this image of "Purity", I am amazed by a lot of guys and gals who make their way here, screw around and then pretend to be sacrosanct. If there is one thing Indians excel at, it is Hypocrisy. This is one of the many posts I am going to put up, ranting on this subject. Coming back to the subject of whether or not to do "it", I have to say that the Desi outlook on sex in general amuses me but their Victorian outlook on virginity astounds me. Heck, I am not going to advocate a sixties life style in this day and age – it is just down right dangerous to do that. But wanting a pure girl to be your bride and then excusing your recent humping around, is beyond my comprehension. Virginity is the most over rated thing. An archaic rule to ensure that your wife carries your children , born out of the old Kings who had to make sure they did not hand their Kingdoms over to their Knight’s kid. It is biologically a tried and tested thing – lions kill cubs of the older Male when they take over the pride. Male drosophila fly injects into his mate a seminal fluid that prevents the female from mating again. While some wasps take chastity belt to a whole new extreme – they plug the female after copulation to prevent another male from mating with her.
But for humans, this is not a big problem. DNA testing assures you of your offspring’s paternity and there are enough devices around to prevent kids. So why do we assert this concept of virginity? In name of God or society, Desi females are preached ad nauseum about “purity”. Why is it so important for Desi males that the girl they marry is “pure”? Are Desi guys really so insecure? And why do Desi girls pretend that this is right? Or OK? Why is it such a big No-No for a Desi girl to express her sexuality? Why is it that when a Desi girl states her wants, she is a fallen woman? Or worse yet, somebody to mess with but not marry?
Can somebody explain why this archaic view still prevails? And do you advocate this view?
I think that virginity or induging in sex is a personal choice - and the choice should be made without the burden of society's view. And abstaining because that is what Jesus said, might work for some but not for most, so stop touting that angle.
I hate it that Indians consider sex to be a dirty deed, done under the blankets with your spouse and most likely with all your clothes on ;). This negative berating and strong hormones makes a very confused teenager. And add to that the Internets.. we have a haphazardly informed kid that is just asking for therapy.. Just talk with the person - Informed decision is always a sound one. Rather than pretending that it does not exist, at least make sure that if there is a chance of it happening, all precautions are thought of.
Dealing with this image of "Purity", I am amazed by a lot of guys and gals who make their way here, screw around and then pretend to be sacrosanct. If there is one thing Indians excel at, it is Hypocrisy. This is one of the many posts I am going to put up, ranting on this subject. Coming back to the subject of whether or not to do "it", I have to say that the Desi outlook on sex in general amuses me but their Victorian outlook on virginity astounds me. Heck, I am not going to advocate a sixties life style in this day and age – it is just down right dangerous to do that. But wanting a pure girl to be your bride and then excusing your recent humping around, is beyond my comprehension. Virginity is the most over rated thing. An archaic rule to ensure that your wife carries your children , born out of the old Kings who had to make sure they did not hand their Kingdoms over to their Knight’s kid. It is biologically a tried and tested thing – lions kill cubs of the older Male when they take over the pride. Male drosophila fly injects into his mate a seminal fluid that prevents the female from mating again. While some wasps take chastity belt to a whole new extreme – they plug the female after copulation to prevent another male from mating with her.
But for humans, this is not a big problem. DNA testing assures you of your offspring’s paternity and there are enough devices around to prevent kids. So why do we assert this concept of virginity? In name of God or society, Desi females are preached ad nauseum about “purity”. Why is it so important for Desi males that the girl they marry is “pure”? Are Desi guys really so insecure? And why do Desi girls pretend that this is right? Or OK? Why is it such a big No-No for a Desi girl to express her sexuality? Why is it that when a Desi girl states her wants, she is a fallen woman? Or worse yet, somebody to mess with but not marry?
Can somebody explain why this archaic view still prevails? And do you advocate this view?
Comments:
Links to this post:
<< Home
I agree that virginity is an overrated thing. If the society was a little more open about sex it would not have been so. But I also think that hypocrisy is in human nature and there are hypocrites all around, I would not label one particular nation to 'excel' in it.
# posted by 
: February 05, 2007 4:44 PM
: February 05, 2007 4:44 PM
But there in lies the crux of the problem - we are a nation of a billion plus people. Sex is def going on - yet we act as if it does not exist. From the land of KS.. we expect - no demand- ignorance :)
And I say we excel at hypocricy not just beacuse of this point but a whole series of them - our stance on women, equality, education consolidate that view point. I will write aout all these soon ..
And I say we excel at hypocricy not just beacuse of this point but a whole series of them - our stance on women, equality, education consolidate that view point. I will write aout all these soon ..
I agree that hypocrisy exists in our country in all these different levels and areas. But so it does in other countries, in these same and/or other matters. My point is, no population is free of hypocrites.
# posted by : February 05, 2007 5:13 PM
: February 05, 2007 5:13 PM
I never said that other nations are blame free - I just pointed that we excel in it . And the reason I say that is because it has seeped into all aspects of our life -
1. religion - ours is philosophy that preaches equality and yet Caste differences are present still today.
2. A nation that worships Durga and yet at the same time aborts the female fetus.
3. A nation which barters its women in marraige despite calling women "Jagad janini"
4. a nation that prides itself for its brilliance yet only accepts "Dr. or Engr" as a true vocation
I can go on (as you obviously know).. but I just wanted to elucidate my point.
1. religion - ours is philosophy that preaches equality and yet Caste differences are present still today.
2. A nation that worships Durga and yet at the same time aborts the female fetus.
3. A nation which barters its women in marraige despite calling women "Jagad janini"
4. a nation that prides itself for its brilliance yet only accepts "Dr. or Engr" as a true vocation
I can go on (as you obviously know).. but I just wanted to elucidate my point.
Ours is a nation that will go to lengths to condemn the racism Shilpa Shetty faced but will practice the same without bilking an eye.
now coming to the main topic, Sex and virginity esp are way too overrated .... and though the picture may look grim at the surface things are changing... no-one is so hung up on having a virgin bride anymore.. might have been relevant in mid-ages for all the reasons u mentioned... but seriously the percentage of people having sex to procreate is very small
certainly expect more from the 'land of KS' and 'Tantric Sex'
now coming to the main topic, Sex and virginity esp are way too overrated .... and though the picture may look grim at the surface things are changing... no-one is so hung up on having a virgin bride anymore.. might have been relevant in mid-ages for all the reasons u mentioned... but seriously the percentage of people having sex to procreate is very small
certainly expect more from the 'land of KS' and 'Tantric Sex'
From all that I have seen and heard, I have come to beliv...virginity is essentially a middle class phenomenon....
and do I advocate it?...hell.no!! I advocate safe sex...
:)
and do I advocate it?...hell.no!! I advocate safe sex...
:)
Archaic View ... agreed.
I imagine it has been a while when u were last in India, everybody is busy expressing "sexuality" in some way,newspapers,mags,news and TV Serials ... showcasing martial affair more than anything else.
Gross ...
Either V dont spill the milk or dont cry after the milk has been spilled.
I think living ones age is important in ecvery way. There are a few things which U cant make happen ...
Sad but weird.
Between try Google Analytics its fun :)
I imagine it has been a while when u were last in India, everybody is busy expressing "sexuality" in some way,newspapers,mags,news and TV Serials ... showcasing martial affair more than anything else.
Gross ...
Either V dont spill the milk or dont cry after the milk has been spilled.
I think living ones age is important in ecvery way. There are a few things which U cant make happen ...
Sad but weird.
Between try Google Analytics its fun :)
First thought A) Fornicators!!! Sounds like the whole lot of you is trying to justify your sinful thoughts and the burning in your loins!
First thought B) From what I understand of the dating rituals of Desi girls, I am amazed there is ever a 2nd date. We (sinful Americans) used to have the same outlook on virginity, we wanted to marry a woman as pure as the driven snow (employ Dbl standard here please). Then we figured out that by the mid teen years, we had effectively removed most of the girls from our town from being able to make that list. Sex is too fun not to be shared when you are young, you will have plenty of time to do that after you are married a year or two.
First thought B) From what I understand of the dating rituals of Desi girls, I am amazed there is ever a 2nd date. We (sinful Americans) used to have the same outlook on virginity, we wanted to marry a woman as pure as the driven snow (employ Dbl standard here please). Then we figured out that by the mid teen years, we had effectively removed most of the girls from our town from being able to make that list. Sex is too fun not to be shared when you are young, you will have plenty of time to do that after you are married a year or two.
@Lalit - I hope so :)
Heck .. I pray that we become more liberated :)
@Neihal - You said it, Sistah!
@Tarun - Glorifying extramarital affairs does not make a liberated society. Sexuality in Ad world and bollywood was going on since I was a wee one. I don't think it is gross - just senseless - selling car tyres with scantily clad women is not what I call good advt, but sex sells. It is what the society craves.. the ad world feed on it.
The rest of your comment did not make any sense to me ...
@Big Sky - LMAO..
Yeah the whole Indian "dating" scene is amazing - holding hands comes after the fifth date :). Though there is more making out sessions in the bigger cities, they are not openly admitted.
But glad that a sinful American is showing us the way ;)
Heck .. I pray that we become more liberated :)
@Neihal - You said it, Sistah!
@Tarun - Glorifying extramarital affairs does not make a liberated society. Sexuality in Ad world and bollywood was going on since I was a wee one. I don't think it is gross - just senseless - selling car tyres with scantily clad women is not what I call good advt, but sex sells. It is what the society craves.. the ad world feed on it.
The rest of your comment did not make any sense to me ...
@Big Sky - LMAO..
Yeah the whole Indian "dating" scene is amazing - holding hands comes after the fifth date :). Though there is more making out sessions in the bigger cities, they are not openly admitted.
But glad that a sinful American is showing us the way ;)
Is today some International Virginity day or something? I read around 2 blogs today (including yours) and both of them posted on virginity and Indians being too moral!!
I just called Balasaaheb and told him about your post. You are soon to be deported back to Sena Bhavan :P.
Jokes apart, many desi girls think that virginity is a gift they would love to give to their hubbies!! Don't laugh, I am serious. Indeed we are a sorry country. We might think that education would change the social outlook of the current crop and we would become more liberal than before, that is not going to happen soon.
The reason for this is the parental upbringing of a child. If a parent is not liberal bringing up their child, feeding him/her with moral ethics, caste importances, and other bullshit cultural senses, then naturaly the child will grow up to be a jerk! And what happens next, he/she will pass those GREAT values to his/her offsprings.
This cycle is not dying soon. I am telling you.
Jai Hind!!
I just called Balasaaheb and told him about your post. You are soon to be deported back to Sena Bhavan :P.
Jokes apart, many desi girls think that virginity is a gift they would love to give to their hubbies!! Don't laugh, I am serious. Indeed we are a sorry country. We might think that education would change the social outlook of the current crop and we would become more liberal than before, that is not going to happen soon.
The reason for this is the parental upbringing of a child. If a parent is not liberal bringing up their child, feeding him/her with moral ethics, caste importances, and other bullshit cultural senses, then naturaly the child will grow up to be a jerk! And what happens next, he/she will pass those GREAT values to his/her offsprings.
This cycle is not dying soon. I am telling you.
Jai Hind!!
Some co-incidence there!
I just posted on the same issue:
http://frangipanirock.blogspot.com/2007_02_01_archive.html
Your post, as well as the comments, gave me ample meat for Part II.
Btw, i am a friend of delphic; too bad I never bothered to pass by before.
Lalit Singhji: Even the most modern-thinking, socially-mobile men, if given a choice, would opt for a virgin bride. And this is TODAY's India.
The desis in foreign lands might have a better story to relate. I hope!
I just posted on the same issue:
http://frangipanirock.blogspot.com/2007_02_01_archive.html
Your post, as well as the comments, gave me ample meat for Part II.
Btw, i am a friend of delphic; too bad I never bothered to pass by before.
Lalit Singhji: Even the most modern-thinking, socially-mobile men, if given a choice, would opt for a virgin bride. And this is TODAY's India.
The desis in foreign lands might have a better story to relate. I hope!
@Delphic - Baap re.. I should postpone going home now.. That Bala saab is a meanie.. he does not care his son bangs every thing in skirts but he is very concerned about my moral values ;)
I knew I could blame my parents from my immoral outlook ;) I am telling them this thing when they next start lecturing me :P
I hope that our generation dents the cycle a lil bit..Slowly and surely we might be able to change the outlook..
@Fpr - Great mind think alike :) Welcome here..And I am looking forward to the part deux.
And sorry to disappoint you the ABCD (American Born Confused Desis) are no better. They live in the same 12 th century India ..
I knew I could blame my parents from my immoral outlook ;) I am telling them this thing when they next start lecturing me :P
I hope that our generation dents the cycle a lil bit..Slowly and surely we might be able to change the outlook..
@Fpr - Great mind think alike :) Welcome here..And I am looking forward to the part deux.
And sorry to disappoint you the ABCD (American Born Confused Desis) are no better. They live in the same 12 th century India ..
Bad news! Our generation is no better either. Take a poll about moral and cultural values from Indians of our generation. You will soon realize the sorry state of our country.
Been there, done that!
Been there, done that!
What I find funny it that I too was raised to save myself for marriage. I was told it was about respect...and only those that do not repect themselves give it away. We (women) are told that we can offer the greatest gift of purity to our future husbands...showing how committed we are to them.
For those of you still waiting...good luck with that. Here is what you are missing...
What they never tell you is the power that you hold in the palm of your hand (no pun intended). As many already know, this is the moment that you get everything that you want, so that they can get what they want. It is not about respect...it's about knowing who you are and what you want. Hopefully, the two of you are on the same page. And if your smart enough...you'll learn how to do it with skill(again...no pun intended).
For those of you still waiting...good luck with that. Here is what you are missing...
What they never tell you is the power that you hold in the palm of your hand (no pun intended). As many already know, this is the moment that you get everything that you want, so that they can get what they want. It is not about respect...it's about knowing who you are and what you want. Hopefully, the two of you are on the same page. And if your smart enough...you'll learn how to do it with skill(again...no pun intended).
@ Delphic -Sigh.. here I thought I would not be the unique one in this aspect,too. Now you tell me I don't fit in this category of how the rest of my generation thinks once again :)
I always thought that when people moved away from Des, saw what was going around elsewhere in the world, they would rethink their Victorian ways. Recently I talked with a guy who openly told me that he would not marry his girlfriend because she is "loose", despite the fact that he is the other party invovled in her "loose" behaviour!!
That is when I realised that this mentality will take years to change. At least I hope it will change..
I always thought that when people moved away from Des, saw what was going around elsewhere in the world, they would rethink their Victorian ways. Recently I talked with a guy who openly told me that he would not marry his girlfriend because she is "loose", despite the fact that he is the other party invovled in her "loose" behaviour!!
That is when I realised that this mentality will take years to change. At least I hope it will change..
@Sonya - Yeah, You bought a valid point - the "saving yourself" philosophy is not limited to the east - though we tend to make a big deal of it when you do IT.
And good use of words..
Oh to have power in one's hands and learn to do it with skill ;)
Do elaborate .. as you know .. we desi girls don't do it ;)
And good use of words..
Oh to have power in one's hands and learn to do it with skill ;)
Do elaborate .. as you know .. we desi girls don't do it ;)
I keep forgetting that Desi's don't understand the 'language'. So for all of you out there (apparently guys and girls...please see dry humping blog from earlier)....once you get married please come and talk with me so that I can slowly explain the 'hands' pun. Of course, you will have to remove the sheet and take off your clothes...so you better get some experience with your wife/husband first....then we can talk.
We are also full of hyprocrisy. We just use religion to mask it more than society. It seems to be ok for you to be 'free' in school, but then once you are older and 'find God' you are now holy than thou were before. I have always loved the 'do as I say, not as I do' concept. I do love seeing them preach against what they did only years before.
We are also full of hyprocrisy. We just use religion to mask it more than society. It seems to be ok for you to be 'free' in school, but then once you are older and 'find God' you are now holy than thou were before. I have always loved the 'do as I say, not as I do' concept. I do love seeing them preach against what they did only years before.
@ Sonya : Maybe you should start writing about it. With simpler language and illustrations. I know somebody who has done lotsa late night research into it :)
As I told Mohati, hypocrisy exists everywhere. But the born again virgin concept is so over the top..
As I told Mohati, hypocrisy exists everywhere. But the born again virgin concept is so over the top..
Not to fear my dear ladies and gentleman (desi and non-desi alike), I will soon be writing an informative piece on the myths of virginity, why this notion of giving your husband the greatest gift of all is all wrong, and then, if needed, draw pictures or what ever to help you along the way.
Side note... a born again virgin in no different than a recovering alcoholic/drug addict/fill in your vise. A vice is a vice.
Side note... a born again virgin in no different than a recovering alcoholic/drug addict/fill in your vise. A vice is a vice.
@Big Sky .. Will fwd the article to you know who ;)
I am sure your article will be extensively researched :)
I am sure your article will be extensively researched :)
virginity...i feel its a highly personal matter. and at the same time public too. personal in choice and time to do it, and public in not before proper sex education.
i can never support a single mom, unless its widow or a rape case. a child tht is being born has a right to be raised upon with proper care and should be given proper living conditions. his life should not be made hell because his mom/dad had a lil too much fun. proper sex education is necessary and a child deserves to have both mother and father.
i can never support a single mom, unless its widow or a rape case. a child tht is being born has a right to be raised upon with proper care and should be given proper living conditions. his life should not be made hell because his mom/dad had a lil too much fun. proper sex education is necessary and a child deserves to have both mother and father.
@Anshul - Yes. That is correct.
I however disagree with you on the single motherhood.
A child should not be bought up in strife and if parents grow apart, its better to split than subject the child to that tension.
Do you advocate the child be bought up in an abusive home? If a single mom can adopts a child a a home, proper nourishment and education, isn't that much better than living without a parent?
I have met a couple of kids who grew up in single parent homes. And they did not feel as if they lacked anything growing up.
I however disagree with you on the single motherhood.
A child should not be bought up in strife and if parents grow apart, its better to split than subject the child to that tension.
Do you advocate the child be bought up in an abusive home? If a single mom can adopts a child a a home, proper nourishment and education, isn't that much better than living without a parent?
I have met a couple of kids who grew up in single parent homes. And they did not feel as if they lacked anything growing up.
ohh i forgot to add tht point..thts one of those exceptions. but wat i dont agree is have fun without rubber and fuck the life of the kid.
as long as ppl are mature enough to understand the responsibilty tht come with this fun, good enough. and i doubt if ppl in high school are so mature and well off financially to have this for liesure.
and the solution in abortion is a big NO NO. both girl and guy has to bear responsibilty in tht case.
as long as ppl are mature enough to understand the responsibilty tht come with this fun, good enough. and i doubt if ppl in high school are so mature and well off financially to have this for liesure.
and the solution in abortion is a big NO NO. both girl and guy has to bear responsibilty in tht case.
@Anshul,
If two people are immature to take care of the baby, I would prefer abortion over them screwing the child after it gets here.
But that is personal decision and a hard one either way :)
If two people are immature to take care of the baby, I would prefer abortion over them screwing the child after it gets here.
But that is personal decision and a hard one either way :)
Well ... Sex is probably just one of the things tabood in the name of religion. There was a time when(heck - even today) 'Profit Making' or was tabood and sinful and giving away one's wealth is even today a virtue but 'Wealth Creation' was sinful.
Same goes with Food - indulging in too much extravagance - in food or jewelry - was sinful!!
These views are not completely without basis but the biggest problem is that PEOPLE READ AND INTERPRET THEM COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTEXT!!
Anyway ... would be too much of a rant if i continue ... Atheists have too much to condemn about society and religion!!
Same goes with Food - indulging in too much extravagance - in food or jewelry - was sinful!!
These views are not completely without basis but the biggest problem is that PEOPLE READ AND INTERPRET THEM COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTEXT!!
Anyway ... would be too much of a rant if i continue ... Atheists have too much to condemn about society and religion!!
I agree, virginity is over-rated. We are a nation of hypocrites whether it is virginity or vegetarianism. Felt good to read this open discussion, especially because some things I realised only now.. after turning thirty, that I find myself wanting to but completely unable to change.
Vegetarian-by-choice-virgin-by-force
Vegetarian-by-choice-virgin-by-force
# posted by : February 27, 2007 6:49 AM
: February 27, 2007 6:49 AM
@Nikhil - I have no problem with however people read and interpret anything. I have problems when they stop using their brains and sifting through what has always been with what we now know...
I can safely safely that it is not as an Antheist that I condemn religion. I condemn it on the basis of being human and wanting to be treated as a equal citizen.
@Anon - Yep, we are. Thank you if this helped you in anyway. And there is still a good deal of life ahead of you..
I can safely safely that it is not as an Antheist that I condemn religion. I condemn it on the basis of being human and wanting to be treated as a equal citizen.
@Anon - Yep, we are. Thank you if this helped you in anyway. And there is still a good deal of life ahead of you..
This is another example that you could have added - The female spider kills the mate after or during the mating ritual. Now, that's a heavy price to pay. Although the Black Widow has been aptly named, but the rest of the species follow the same cannibalistic pattern! This does not conform to your post directly though.
# posted by : February 28, 2007 4:43 PM
: February 28, 2007 4:43 PM
Just wanted to ask you this:
1) If a girl 'wants' to remain a virgin because thats her choice - would you ridicule her as backward/non-modern/non-with-it ... just because you advocate the 'so-called' safe sex attitude? Why cant you accept her beliefs?
2) If a guy wants to marry a 'virgin' (lets forget whether he is a virgin on no) - why cant you accept that? Its his choice..period.
whether he is a virgin or no and whether that amounts to hypocrisy/backward thinking/12-th century thoughts...is immaterial right? Its his "choice".
What is inherently wrong in wanting a virgin bride, please explain to me you liberate-safe sex-modern girls?
just because you like the colour red doesnt mean someone else has to...doesnt make ther other person backward/wrong/hypocrite
Post a Comment
1) If a girl 'wants' to remain a virgin because thats her choice - would you ridicule her as backward/non-modern/non-with-it ... just because you advocate the 'so-called' safe sex attitude? Why cant you accept her beliefs?
2) If a guy wants to marry a 'virgin' (lets forget whether he is a virgin on no) - why cant you accept that? Its his choice..period.
whether he is a virgin or no and whether that amounts to hypocrisy/backward thinking/12-th century thoughts...is immaterial right? Its his "choice".
What is inherently wrong in wanting a virgin bride, please explain to me you liberate-safe sex-modern girls?
just because you like the colour red doesnt mean someone else has to...doesnt make ther other person backward/wrong/hypocrite
# posted by : August 20, 2007 4:29 PM
: August 20, 2007 4:29 PMSubscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
Links to this post:
<< Home
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]