Random Thoughts
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Touchy - Feely Issues.
I travelled in a packed bus to school today. Not even elbow room. Chattering of students, other workers trying to read their newspapers while some people were trying catch that extra 20 minutes of sleep. The minute I climbed into that bus, I was taken back to the countless journeys I made in Mumbai locals.
Crowded buses or trains in Mumbai meant you were going to get groped. It meant the 50 year old guy who probably had a daughter your age at home feeling you up. Or that random person who inched close to you while standing in the bus to keep brushing up your body. Or the village idiot who pinched your boob just as you were trying to get down at Dadar while hundreds of bodies trying to get in. While I agree that not every man I came across in Mumbai indulged in this, the law of averages meant that most women who travel in Mumbai are subject to unwanted lecherous feel-ups. And I should really say girls. I remember the anger and self loathing I went through each time I travelled in the locals and it started when I was barely 12! It never diminished. I don't know how bad or good living else where in India is. From what I gather, life is marginally better in smaller towns. I say marginally as even in Nashik, I was used to the rikshawallas adjusting their rear view mirrors to focus on the women's boobs. So there is a varying degree of this disgusting behaviour that most women are exposed to growing up in India.
I contrasted that today with an equally packed bus but a completely friendly and safe atmosphere. I did not cringe or yell or try to pack myself in a small corner to avoid human contact in the bus. This has been true for my entire stay here. To be fair, most of it was in a small university town. But I have never been exposed to it when I was a tourist in NY or Chicago or Florida or Seattle.
Does this mean that women are never cat-called or teased in US? No!
Is there a danger of assault and rape? Of course! Human behaviour does not change across country lines.
Will I be groped in US? Sure. But the danger is not as prominent as when I was back home.
Which makes me wonder why the behavior is more prominent in India? And will it ever go away. Is it because we are such a sexually repressed people? Or because women are held as objects in our society? Will Blank noise and similar protests work in generating awareness or are they mere blips in the baby-batter filled men's brains?
Is there any workable solution to eve-teasing in India? Suggestions?
Crowded buses or trains in Mumbai meant you were going to get groped. It meant the 50 year old guy who probably had a daughter your age at home feeling you up. Or that random person who inched close to you while standing in the bus to keep brushing up your body. Or the village idiot who pinched your boob just as you were trying to get down at Dadar while hundreds of bodies trying to get in. While I agree that not every man I came across in Mumbai indulged in this, the law of averages meant that most women who travel in Mumbai are subject to unwanted lecherous feel-ups. And I should really say girls. I remember the anger and self loathing I went through each time I travelled in the locals and it started when I was barely 12! It never diminished. I don't know how bad or good living else where in India is. From what I gather, life is marginally better in smaller towns. I say marginally as even in Nashik, I was used to the rikshawallas adjusting their rear view mirrors to focus on the women's boobs. So there is a varying degree of this disgusting behaviour that most women are exposed to growing up in India.
I contrasted that today with an equally packed bus but a completely friendly and safe atmosphere. I did not cringe or yell or try to pack myself in a small corner to avoid human contact in the bus. This has been true for my entire stay here. To be fair, most of it was in a small university town. But I have never been exposed to it when I was a tourist in NY or Chicago or Florida or Seattle.
Does this mean that women are never cat-called or teased in US? No!
Is there a danger of assault and rape? Of course! Human behaviour does not change across country lines.
Will I be groped in US? Sure. But the danger is not as prominent as when I was back home.
Which makes me wonder why the behavior is more prominent in India? And will it ever go away. Is it because we are such a sexually repressed people? Or because women are held as objects in our society? Will Blank noise and similar protests work in generating awareness or are they mere blips in the baby-batter filled men's brains?
Is there any workable solution to eve-teasing in India? Suggestions?
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blame it on orthodox society in gen in India, woman is an object to an average person, whom he was forbidden to interact, separate sitting arrangement for girls even in co-ed schools(believe me it was there in my school), couple this with an average person from lower strata of society seeing city life first time by the eyes of Bollywood ; high crime rate , large population , bad policing makes eve teasing a relatively safe crime to commit, and last but not the least, general ignorance and "It doesnt concern me so I dont care" attitude of a general city dweller.
# posted by 
: August 14, 2007 1:40 PM
: August 14, 2007 1:40 PM
On the eve of 15th August I was trying to remember things that made me proud of being Indian, and then read your post :(
Do you think that it did not happen in the US mainly because the "sueing culture" is so pervasive here, that men are put off?
Well, in fact I have to say I do think that is the case. That, and the much better law and order system here, which won't let the guy off easily.
IMO its the fact that perpetrators in India believe that they can get away with it. Women in buses/trains won't protest (no fault of theirs - its likely they'll get blamed for it through some twisted logic) and that provides 'courage' to the scums.
Unfortunately, I doubt any short-term solutions will work - we need a very basic change in attitude in the society.
Sorry about the pessimism :(
Unfortunately, I doubt any short-term solutions will work - we need a very basic change in attitude in the society.
Sorry about the pessimism :(
@Anon- Well, I hope that the attitude changes. I am not holding my breath - but I hope it does.
@Ashutosh - I think having a legal system that works helps a lot. Would also have to do with the attitude of the society, where such behavior is held in utter contempt. In India while "good men" dont grope, no one complains either.
@Anurag - Sorry, I was not thinking abt the Indy day at all. It was just something I felt while coming to school.
@Bongo- Yeah, I know that this is not going to change, at least not with simple protest and such. We need laws and more female empowerment (as was pointed out by the LOB)but still as a woman, I hope that one day I can travel in India in public transport with the same ease I did today.
@Ashutosh - I think having a legal system that works helps a lot. Would also have to do with the attitude of the society, where such behavior is held in utter contempt. In India while "good men" dont grope, no one complains either.
@Anurag - Sorry, I was not thinking abt the Indy day at all. It was just something I felt while coming to school.
@Bongo- Yeah, I know that this is not going to change, at least not with simple protest and such. We need laws and more female empowerment (as was pointed out by the LOB)but still as a woman, I hope that one day I can travel in India in public transport with the same ease I did today.
"I don't know how bad or good living else where in India is"....atleast in Hyd I can say its pretty much the same. I guess it depends on the oppurtunity...small towns are not as crowded as hyd or mumbai...
# posted by : August 14, 2007 8:41 PM
: August 14, 2007 8:41 PM
BTW nice post on adoption. Also Dr.Mello's talk was excellent.
# posted by : August 14, 2007 8:42 PM
: August 14, 2007 8:42 PM
I think it happens in India because of the lack of healthy interaction between the sexes. How many Indian males are comfortable approaching a woman ? Its the lack of release that manifests itself in this manner !
Here its different and there is also the fact that you will not get away with it !
Here its different and there is also the fact that you will not get away with it !
# posted by : August 15, 2007 2:36 AM
: August 15, 2007 2:36 AM
It may be partly because of the not having enough exposure to opposite sex. Men might be doing such things to satisfy their curiosity or ego that they otherwise have no way of satisfying.
But I would blame the culture in general. Woman is treated lesser to man. This thought is ingrained in our brains since childhood by parents, friends, uncles, movies, movie-posters and songs. With such environment how can we expect average man to respect a woman. This groping is partly because of lack of respect.
I am saying this because when I was at college this is the fundamental difference I found between myself and my other friends who perpetrated such deeds. For example, I would never refer to a classmate as "that bitch" and there are some people who do. And I saw a distinct correlation between people who do and people who take pleasure in teasing women. Just a personal observation.
But I would blame the culture in general. Woman is treated lesser to man. This thought is ingrained in our brains since childhood by parents, friends, uncles, movies, movie-posters and songs. With such environment how can we expect average man to respect a woman. This groping is partly because of lack of respect.
I am saying this because when I was at college this is the fundamental difference I found between myself and my other friends who perpetrated such deeds. For example, I would never refer to a classmate as "that bitch" and there are some people who do. And I saw a distinct correlation between people who do and people who take pleasure in teasing women. Just a personal observation.
You got it right. Indians are a sexually repressed people. Such wanton acts happen only in countries where sex is a 'bad' word and any discussion on the same is met with disapproval. But what i feel lost on is when 50 somethings are involved in this. I mean 20 somethings in India many of which have never held a girl's hand may indulge in this sort of behavior. But surely for a 30-40 yr old (who presumably gets plenty) this is inexplicable...
And if you thought Mumbai was bad wait till you get to Delhi. Its absolutely shameful out there.
And if you thought Mumbai was bad wait till you get to Delhi. Its absolutely shameful out there.
well..i m glad someone did talk abt this...
I have lived many yrs in uk..n m now back to delhi..n must say..inspite of all the progressiveness n bla blah..india remains the same..its absolytely shameful!
remedy..i for one..do blv women shud learn to confront this..at least stop the guy from continuing with it..i have seen many women suffer silently..which is disgusting
n ppl told me mumbai was way safer..when i travelled..i had even much worse exprnc than that of delhi :( ...
i suspect the basic cause behind this ..is ...lack of respect for women...n thinking of them as pure sex objects..indian men love basking in this thot..maybe the so-called modern educated one may not accpet this....but from what i c..they r no different :( !
I have lived many yrs in uk..n m now back to delhi..n must say..inspite of all the progressiveness n bla blah..india remains the same..its absolytely shameful!
remedy..i for one..do blv women shud learn to confront this..at least stop the guy from continuing with it..i have seen many women suffer silently..which is disgusting
n ppl told me mumbai was way safer..when i travelled..i had even much worse exprnc than that of delhi :( ...
i suspect the basic cause behind this ..is ...lack of respect for women...n thinking of them as pure sex objects..indian men love basking in this thot..maybe the so-called modern educated one may not accpet this....but from what i c..they r no different :( !
@Sameera - Sad. That most women are exposed to this. Glad you liked the adoption articles.
@Neuralnonsense - Yeah. But I have also seen people who have been exposed to the opposite sex indulge in it. Sadly, it seems an acceptable thing to do
@Twisted DNA - I agree. The main culprit is how we see women. What saddens me is that this is not a situation that is changing.
@Gaurav - I have been to Delhi, so I know what you mean sadly :(
@thisisme - Yeah, women shut up and somehow accept it. Makes the situation worse. We have to empower the women!
@Neuralnonsense - Yeah. But I have also seen people who have been exposed to the opposite sex indulge in it. Sadly, it seems an acceptable thing to do
@Twisted DNA - I agree. The main culprit is how we see women. What saddens me is that this is not a situation that is changing.
@Gaurav - I have been to Delhi, so I know what you mean sadly :(
@thisisme - Yeah, women shut up and somehow accept it. Makes the situation worse. We have to empower the women!
It's a combination of all these reasons:
1. Sexual repression: Those who have lived in close proximity to women and have healthy relationships with some woman will be less prone to indulge in such behavior.
2. The fact that you can get away with this. I remember Calcutta being a much safer city for the women some years back. Probably because you could get thrashed by the crowd who were not the apathetic kind.
3. Not all women are encouraged to confront these behaviors (only recommend this in less riskier circumstances). I have seem many such men slink away sheepishly when confronted by some women in buses and trains.
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1. Sexual repression: Those who have lived in close proximity to women and have healthy relationships with some woman will be less prone to indulge in such behavior.
2. The fact that you can get away with this. I remember Calcutta being a much safer city for the women some years back. Probably because you could get thrashed by the crowd who were not the apathetic kind.
3. Not all women are encouraged to confront these behaviors (only recommend this in less riskier circumstances). I have seem many such men slink away sheepishly when confronted by some women in buses and trains.
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